Friday, January 11, 2013
Legacy
This past fall I went back to Towson University to finish my degree. I fought and fought the idea of going back by making excuses. School was this big plague in my life that I didn't complete but I didn't care. Early in the Spring I wanted Sophia to attend this private school for pre-k 4 classes and she was so excited about it. We toured the school and the classrooms and went over the curriculum. I was ready to commit her to a full time schedule and for her to start learning. After that visit, this feeling of anger and disappointment came over me. How can I ask her to start something that I never finished? What kind of parent was I? Sophia's voice popped in my head "Well, why is it so important to you and you didn't finish?" It hurt me and it seemed to get worse everyday. So I talked to my best friends and told hardly anyone I was thinking of going back. My best friend said "Sophia will be proud of you." Magic words!!!!
The biggest moment in the semester came during a Towson football game. Sophia was with my best friend who is awesome btw and I said meet me at school and we can go to the football game. There we were sitting there rooting the team on when I got the feeling I always wanted. Growing up I fell in love with college football, it wasn't about the football as much as it was about the families. Generations of Florida State, Alabama, USC and Michigan fans going to the games together. Being alumni together and sharing the experience. A legacy. I wanted that for Sophia and I, it is a bond and an accomplishment all rolled into one. When she grows up she doesn't have to go to Towson but we will have these moments together and I cherish them. Such an awesome feeling to have even though she was terrified by the the Towson Tiger mascot.
Friday, January 4, 2013
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
1095 days as a parent....
Almost at the 3-year mark of being a parent and I have to say these 1095 days of being my daughter’s father have been the best 3 years of my life. I remember how she looked when they placed under that bun warmer looking heat lamp to the little girl feeding herself and asking me if I had a good day.
All your emotions come through for your children, good or bad. The frustration is high but when they do things right it doesn’t get any better then that. Your feeling of failure is ridiculous when you feel they aren’t performing up to the standards you have as a parent. People tell me she is doing great but I ask myself shouldn’t she know some Chinese and Japanese by now. She does count and speaks about 20 words in Spanish but still.
My little girl who is learning to look out for cars and riding her big wheel and she will be getting a bike when she learns how to steer. Watching her going in circles can be dizzying at times. She memorizes songs and remembers stores and direction and where we are going. So in charge of everything around her but she doesn’t challenge the authority, which is great. “Daddy, can I have cheerios? With milk this time?”
Time does fly so fast but I am soaking in as much as I can. They grow so quickly and become independent. Most of them anyway. Now the only thing left is to have her sing our favorite football teams fight song and everything will be golden. She does know the chorus at least.
All your emotions come through for your children, good or bad. The frustration is high but when they do things right it doesn’t get any better then that. Your feeling of failure is ridiculous when you feel they aren’t performing up to the standards you have as a parent. People tell me she is doing great but I ask myself shouldn’t she know some Chinese and Japanese by now. She does count and speaks about 20 words in Spanish but still.
My little girl who is learning to look out for cars and riding her big wheel and she will be getting a bike when she learns how to steer. Watching her going in circles can be dizzying at times. She memorizes songs and remembers stores and direction and where we are going. So in charge of everything around her but she doesn’t challenge the authority, which is great. “Daddy, can I have cheerios? With milk this time?”
Time does fly so fast but I am soaking in as much as I can. They grow so quickly and become independent. Most of them anyway. Now the only thing left is to have her sing our favorite football teams fight song and everything will be golden. She does know the chorus at least.
Friday, June 3, 2011
An ode to my girl....
I have a love for you I never knew was there
From your fat little toes to your incredibly long hair
Your smile and laugh always hit my heart
We are playmates everyday, so it hurts to be apart
I don't have to yell at you but you always seem to understand
You don't know it yet but you are making your father a better man
You are my gem, a diamond, a pearl
Thank you God, for giving me this little girl
Monday, May 9, 2011
You get pushed, push back.
It was a wonderful spring day so I decided to take my daughter to a different park than the one we usually frequent. This particular one had a lot more kids and varied in age. I viewed this as a good learning experience for her--to be around kids of all ages and sizes. I wanted to see who she wanted to play with, follow, and lead around.
Immediately, this seven-year-old girl recruited my daughter to follow her around and chase her. So she did. Whatever the girl did, my daughter did-- including going down a bigger slide that had a big drop to the ground; something she normally would not have done!
As my little girl went down the slide, the seven-year-old helped her off. It was nice, but seeing my daughter, I could tell she was getting annoyed. She wanted to do it, and of course she did, without any help. As this experience continued, she eventually made her way over to a sign where another little girl was standing. As she got closer the other turned, looked at her, and pushed her away. So she looked at the girl and walked back over and the little girl pushed her harder.
Now I looked around to see where the little girl's mother was but I could see she wasn't looking and if she was I noticed the sign would block her seeing this whole event taking place. So I looked back and my daughter was standing there in disbelief so I called her over to talk to her. As she ran over, she started crying. I asked her what's wrong because I wanted her point of view. She wasn't sure so I told her that she didn't do anything wrong at all. At this point, I said if someone pushes you then you push them back. Never let anyone make you feel uncomfortable. Then I told her to go back and play and she did.
The rest of the day went without incident. However, there were lessons learned for my daughter and myself.
I was bullied once in my life so I hope my daughter will always learn how to fight for what she wants. In addition, pay attention to what your kids are doing because that girl is going to push the wrong kid and get popped upside the head.
Immediately, this seven-year-old girl recruited my daughter to follow her around and chase her. So she did. Whatever the girl did, my daughter did-- including going down a bigger slide that had a big drop to the ground; something she normally would not have done!
As my little girl went down the slide, the seven-year-old helped her off. It was nice, but seeing my daughter, I could tell she was getting annoyed. She wanted to do it, and of course she did, without any help. As this experience continued, she eventually made her way over to a sign where another little girl was standing. As she got closer the other turned, looked at her, and pushed her away. So she looked at the girl and walked back over and the little girl pushed her harder.
Now I looked around to see where the little girl's mother was but I could see she wasn't looking and if she was I noticed the sign would block her seeing this whole event taking place. So I looked back and my daughter was standing there in disbelief so I called her over to talk to her. As she ran over, she started crying. I asked her what's wrong because I wanted her point of view. She wasn't sure so I told her that she didn't do anything wrong at all. At this point, I said if someone pushes you then you push them back. Never let anyone make you feel uncomfortable. Then I told her to go back and play and she did.
The rest of the day went without incident. However, there were lessons learned for my daughter and myself.
I was bullied once in my life so I hope my daughter will always learn how to fight for what she wants. In addition, pay attention to what your kids are doing because that girl is going to push the wrong kid and get popped upside the head.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Outside interference
I posted on twitter @rabidwolf21, my "Top 5 rules for Dads and Their Relationships" and how it affects their children. People don't understand that your child watches, hears and feels everything you do.
I won't go in depth on all of them but most are from personal experiences that I will share.
The rules are:
#1 Never disrespect your child's mother.
#2 Don't interfere in the child's relationship with in-laws are your parents.
#3 Don't involve your kids in drama: for example cheating or drinking with your buddies. I just don't like it when people "step out" meaning cheat during their relationships and start bringing the kids with them. It isn't right on many levels and your kids view of you and the other parent will change. No child needs to deal with that nor see someone drink all day and lose money playing pool.
#4 If you are a single parent discuss how the other person will treat your kids.
Have a conversation with the other adult when bringing kids to a new household. Explain how you do things and ask for their feedback. Listen to them.
#5 Don't forget your priorities. You are a parent first and don't forget that you control the lives of people that depend on you.
The first and the second rules are those I fully believe in. It worked for me and I want to thank my mother for making me understand it. I didn't when I was younger but now as a parent I fully get where she was coming from.
My parents marriage didn't work at all. It happens and you deal with it but I had anger towards my father. I didn't like how he talked to my mother or looked at her or how he treated me. Now he wasn't this absolutely horrible person but just enough for me to keep an anger against him for over a decade.
My mother after the divorce didn't bad mouth him once. She pushed for me to see him more and talk and I wasn't having any of it. In addition I was real close to his side of the family especially my grandparents. I love my grandparents all of them but I was closer to his side.
I didn't see them for a long time due to a lot of reasons and on being my anger towards him but because of my mother I decided to give it a chance and I'm better for it. Now that I had my daughter I made the decision to have him fully participate in her life if he chooses to. I will not stand in the way and you shouldn't either.
I won't go in depth on all of them but most are from personal experiences that I will share.
The rules are:
#1 Never disrespect your child's mother.
#2 Don't interfere in the child's relationship with in-laws are your parents.
#3 Don't involve your kids in drama: for example cheating or drinking with your buddies. I just don't like it when people "step out" meaning cheat during their relationships and start bringing the kids with them. It isn't right on many levels and your kids view of you and the other parent will change. No child needs to deal with that nor see someone drink all day and lose money playing pool.
#4 If you are a single parent discuss how the other person will treat your kids.
Have a conversation with the other adult when bringing kids to a new household. Explain how you do things and ask for their feedback. Listen to them.
#5 Don't forget your priorities. You are a parent first and don't forget that you control the lives of people that depend on you.
The first and the second rules are those I fully believe in. It worked for me and I want to thank my mother for making me understand it. I didn't when I was younger but now as a parent I fully get where she was coming from.
My parents marriage didn't work at all. It happens and you deal with it but I had anger towards my father. I didn't like how he talked to my mother or looked at her or how he treated me. Now he wasn't this absolutely horrible person but just enough for me to keep an anger against him for over a decade.
My mother after the divorce didn't bad mouth him once. She pushed for me to see him more and talk and I wasn't having any of it. In addition I was real close to his side of the family especially my grandparents. I love my grandparents all of them but I was closer to his side.
I didn't see them for a long time due to a lot of reasons and on being my anger towards him but because of my mother I decided to give it a chance and I'm better for it. Now that I had my daughter I made the decision to have him fully participate in her life if he chooses to. I will not stand in the way and you shouldn't either.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Kids birthday parties..good or bad
Growing up, I never wanted a party for MY birthday--I didn't see the need for it. Give me my Gram's caramel cake, some presents and I'm a happy camper. That's all it takes to please me.
Now, we have people renting hotels, moon bounces, Zoo's, halls, churches, DJ's and so on. For my daughter's first birthday, I did have a DJ. But that was mostly for the adults. But still, yet--we had a DJ.
For her second birthday party, I invited my friend's kids over to the playground and had a cookout. It was awesome with less stress and more fun. It was great to have the kids running around and having fun. Now, I don't begrudge the parents who go all out and spend tons of money. This isn't something I do, but sometimes it feels like parents are competing against each other and not thinking of the kids. I'm not saying do your parties at Mickey D's or Chucky Cheese but don't rent out the Hilton Hotel, either. Kids just want to have fun and we, the adults, overthink, overreact and overpay for all these things and kids can just have a good time with a cardboard box and some ballons.
We do love our children and want to give them everything we can. But they don't need everything, they just need us to do what is right for them. My personal rule for my daughter is no clowns ever! They are scary--especially to me.
Here are 5 simple rules to follow for having a successful birthday party.
Rule# 1. Purell and sanitizers are 100% needed when dealing with kids
Rule# 2. Tell your kids to look both ways before running because that swing will knock her right out!
Rule# 3. If you are uncomfortable with something like taking your kid's socks off, then don't do it. Be a parent.
Rule# 4. Interact with other parents. It's always a good idea to meet new people. You never know where it will take you, and what opportunities lie ahead.
Rule# 5. Don't micro-parent. Let your kids have fun and run around. Relax and have a cupcake.
Now, we have people renting hotels, moon bounces, Zoo's, halls, churches, DJ's and so on. For my daughter's first birthday, I did have a DJ. But that was mostly for the adults. But still, yet--we had a DJ.
For her second birthday party, I invited my friend's kids over to the playground and had a cookout. It was awesome with less stress and more fun. It was great to have the kids running around and having fun. Now, I don't begrudge the parents who go all out and spend tons of money. This isn't something I do, but sometimes it feels like parents are competing against each other and not thinking of the kids. I'm not saying do your parties at Mickey D's or Chucky Cheese but don't rent out the Hilton Hotel, either. Kids just want to have fun and we, the adults, overthink, overreact and overpay for all these things and kids can just have a good time with a cardboard box and some ballons.
We do love our children and want to give them everything we can. But they don't need everything, they just need us to do what is right for them. My personal rule for my daughter is no clowns ever! They are scary--especially to me.
Here are 5 simple rules to follow for having a successful birthday party.
Rule# 1. Purell and sanitizers are 100% needed when dealing with kids
Rule# 2. Tell your kids to look both ways before running because that swing will knock her right out!
Rule# 3. If you are uncomfortable with something like taking your kid's socks off, then don't do it. Be a parent.
Rule# 4. Interact with other parents. It's always a good idea to meet new people. You never know where it will take you, and what opportunities lie ahead.
Rule# 5. Don't micro-parent. Let your kids have fun and run around. Relax and have a cupcake.
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