1095 days as a parent....

Almost at the 3-year mark of being a parent and I have to say these 1095 days of being my daughter’s father have been the best 3 years of my life. I remember how she looked when they placed under that bun warmer looking heat lamp to the little girl feeding herself and asking me if I had a good day.
All your emotions come through for your children, good or bad. The frustration is high but when they do things right it doesn’t get any better then that. Your feeling of failure is ridiculous when you feel they aren’t performing up to the standards you have as a parent. People tell me she is doing great but I ask myself shouldn’t she know some Chinese and Japanese by now. She does count and speaks about 20 words in Spanish but still.
My little girl who is learning to look out for cars and riding her big wheel and she will be getting a bike when she learns how to steer. Watching her going in circles can be dizzying at times. She memorizes songs and remembers stores and direction and where we are going. So in charge of everything around her but she doesn’t challenge the authority, which is great. “Daddy, can I have cheerios? With milk this time?”
Time does fly so fast but I am soaking in as much as I can. They grow so quickly and become independent. Most of them anyway. Now the only thing left is to have her sing our favorite football teams fight song and everything will be golden. She does know the chorus at least.

An ode to my girl....

I have a love for you I never knew was there

From your fat little toes to your incredibly long hair

Your smile and laugh always hit my heart

We are playmates everyday, so it hurts to be apart

I don't have to yell at you but you always seem to understand

You don't know it yet but you are making your father a better man

You are my gem, a diamond, a pearl

Thank you God, for giving me this little girl

You get pushed, push back.

It was a wonderful spring day so I decided to take my daughter to a different park than the one we usually frequent. This particular one had a lot more kids and varied in age. I viewed this as a good learning experience for her--to be around kids of all ages and sizes. I wanted to see who she wanted to play with, follow, and lead around.

Immediately, this seven-year-old girl recruited my daughter to follow her around and chase her. So she did. Whatever the girl did, my daughter did-- including going down a bigger slide that had a big drop to the ground; something she normally would not have done!

As my little girl went down the slide, the seven-year-old helped her off. It was nice, but seeing my daughter, I could tell she was getting annoyed. She wanted to do it, and of course she did, without any help. As this experience continued, she eventually made her way over to a sign where another little girl was standing. As she got closer the other turned, looked at her, and pushed her away. So she looked at the girl and walked back over and the little girl pushed her harder.

Now I looked around to see where the little girl's mother was but I could see she wasn't looking and if she was I noticed the sign would block her seeing this whole event taking place. So I looked back and my daughter was standing there in disbelief so I called her over to talk to her. As she ran over, she started crying. I asked her what's wrong because I wanted her point of view. She wasn't sure so I told her that she didn't do anything wrong at all. At this point, I said if someone pushes you then you push them back. Never let anyone make you feel uncomfortable. Then I told her to go back and play and she did.

The rest of the day went without incident. However, there were lessons learned for my daughter and myself.

I was bullied once in my life so I hope my daughter will always learn how to fight for what she wants. In addition, pay attention to what your kids are doing because that girl is going to push the wrong kid and get popped upside the head.

Outside interference

I posted on twitter @rabidwolf21, my "Top 5 rules for Dads and Their Relationships" and how it affects their children. People don't understand that your child watches, hears and feels everything you do.

I won't go in depth on all of them but most are from personal experiences that I will share.

The rules are:

#1 Never disrespect your child's mother.

#2 Don't interfere in the child's relationship with in-laws are your parents.

#3 Don't involve your kids in drama: for example cheating or drinking with your buddies. I just don't like it when people "step out" meaning cheat during their relationships and start bringing the kids with them. It isn't right on many levels and your kids view of you and the other parent will change. No child needs to deal with that nor see someone drink all day and lose money playing pool.

#4 If you are a single parent discuss how the other person will treat your kids.
Have a conversation with the other adult when bringing kids to a new household. Explain how you do things and ask for their feedback. Listen to them.

#5 Don't forget your priorities. You are a parent first and don't forget that you control the lives of people that depend on you.



The first and the second rules are those I fully believe in. It worked for me and I want to thank my mother for making me understand it. I didn't when I was younger but now as a parent I fully get where she was coming from.
My parents marriage didn't work at all. It happens and you deal with it but I had anger towards my father. I didn't like how he talked to my mother or looked at her or how he treated me. Now he wasn't this absolutely horrible person but just enough for me to keep an anger against him for over a decade.

My mother after the divorce didn't bad mouth him once. She pushed for me to see him more and talk and I wasn't having any of it. In addition I was real close to his side of the family especially my grandparents. I love my grandparents all of them but I was closer to his side.

I didn't see them for a long time due to a lot of reasons and on being my anger towards him but because of my mother I decided to give it a chance and I'm better for it. Now that I had my daughter I made the decision to have him fully participate in her life if he chooses to. I will not stand in the way and you shouldn't either.

Kids birthday parties..good or bad

Growing up, I never wanted a party for MY birthday--I didn't see the need for it. Give me my Gram's caramel cake, some presents and I'm a happy camper. That's all it takes to please me.

Now, we have people renting hotels, moon bounces, Zoo's, halls, churches, DJ's and so on. For my daughter's first birthday, I did have a DJ. But that was mostly for the adults. But still, yet--we had a DJ.

For her second birthday party, I invited my friend's kids over to the playground and had a cookout. It was awesome with less stress and more fun. It was great to have the kids running around and having fun. Now, I don't begrudge the parents who go all out and spend tons of money. This isn't something I do, but sometimes it feels like parents are competing against each other and not thinking of the kids. I'm not saying do your parties at Mickey D's or Chucky Cheese but don't rent out the Hilton Hotel, either. Kids just want to have fun and we, the adults, overthink, overreact and overpay for all these things and kids can just have a good time with a cardboard box and some ballons.

We do love our children and want to give them everything we can. But they don't need everything, they just need us to do what is right for them. My personal rule for my daughter is no clowns ever! They are scary--especially to me.


Here are 5 simple rules to follow for having a successful birthday party.

Rule# 1. Purell and sanitizers are 100% needed when dealing with kids


Rule# 2. Tell your kids to look both ways before running because that swing will knock her right out!

Rule# 3. If you are uncomfortable with something like taking your kid's socks off, then don't do it. Be a parent.

Rule# 4. Interact with other parents. It's always a good idea to meet new people. You never know where it will take you, and what opportunities lie ahead.


Rule# 5. Don't micro-parent. Let your kids have fun and run around. Relax and have a cupcake.

Saran Wrap

My daughter loves me and I know this because she is rarely seperated from me. I love every second of it. So I thought. It was one of those days when she was my shadow and following me everywhere I go. The issue was I was cooking and she was there, I sat down to eat and she sat in my lap (pet peeve warning I need at least 3 feet of space people)going the the bathroom and then banging on the door etc..each time I told her to leave until I was finished or closed the door and said I will be back. That didn't go over to well as tears hit her eyes immediatly. Fine, its an emotional day and kids have that so I said be calm Kevin it will stop but it kept happening and I was about to go crazy. What perplexed me the most was when she started crying she wrapped her arms around my leg and wouldn't let me move anywhere without her. Each time? I wasn't the only one in the house by the way little girl but it felt that way. This behavior has never happened before and hasn't happened since so I was thinking where is this coming from? I don't want her seeking attention in this way so I choose to ignore her and let her no but when she would just come over and saran wrap my leg I couldn't ignore her. So instead of losing my mind (I got really close) I sat her down and talked to her and asked what was wrong. She handles everything better that way and I hope this continues.

Playtime

Once the weather breaks it is great to be able to take the little ones outside to stretch their legs. The best part is watching them interact with other kids. Is one kid bossy, a follower, a loner or a little bit of everything. To me I really look at how the parents interact with the kids, that tells me a lot. Today a child brought out his ball and bike but didn't really play with it. He was too busy going down the dual slides with my daughter. The instant another kid came out and touched his bike he ran over and took it away. His father walked over and had a chat with him and he let the child get on the back and when he was done he got back on. That's what I love to see because there are a lot of parents letting their kids play full contact football in dept stores and I hear "keep it down!" Really? That's it? How about stop before this guy drop kicks you. Observing your kids is so key because you can curtail or encourage all the behaviors. No I didn't like hearing "yeah he is hard headed, I'm going to have trouble when he is 16." Dude he is 2 now. That's 14 years away and you sense doom already? He could remind you of yourself but make him better than you. Isn't that our job anyway?

Consistant...Key word

Being a parent means a lot of things and one of this is consistency. Kids do the darndest things at any time and if you let them know they did wrong from day one and continued it then you keep that up. The problems lies within the parent. For instance my daughter as she normally does climbs on me and gave me a book. As I opened it she began to read to me. It felt great and not everything was right but the feeling was tremendous. I was on cloud 15 as she was all excited about this and so was I. Then the child instinct of writing on anything reared its ugly head. Pen in hand, object that clearly isn't her and should not have ink written on it was about to. So I took that pen away and tears began flowing and while she doesn't have tantrums she knows how to shed a tear and they came a flowing. It isn't a good feeling but it has to happen in order to keep them from going over board because what was cute when they were younger definetly is not the case now. So while one time you are doing your happy dance the next minute it you need that disciple hat on. You can never let them "get away" with things. It leads to bad habits.

Sick, sick, sick

So having bronchitis and your daughter having an ear infection isn't a good combo. That means two sick people and one of whom seems to always be attached to me. She is needy and a little grumpy so only daddy can do anything. I mean "is true" as one of my friends would say but I'm sick also. The kind of sick that only rest and relaxation can give. Not happening here at all. I didn't have the energy to cook and didn't have an appetite at all. BTW healthy choice is healthy but not tasty, I mean hasn't anyone found a happy medium yet? So my daughter had chicken nuggets twice this week which never happens and I feel guilty that she didn't have a full course but this was kicking my butt. So it is alright to feed your kids fast food but make sure it is a rare occurrence. The fast food was the only thing she didn't throw up all week which was coincidental I'm sure. In addition I broke a record of mine as I had her throw up on me at least once everyday. I was lucky to avoid such defeats when she was younger but it always comes back to get you.

I take care of my daughter so I'm less of a man?

Listen I work a lot but my main goal is the keep my family happy and help it prosper. Some people want the man to work 7 days and have some or little interaction with the kids and leave all children duties to the wife. I have no issue with this at all but I work and take of my daughter the majority of the time. So I'm less of a man because I'm home more and I make the doctors appointments? It is 2011. Who cares which parent does what? I grew up mostly in a single parent household so you want to say that I am overcompensating then fine but don't you dare say I am less of anything because I take care of my daughter. The men who aren't the bread winners and stay home are just as strong as the women that do so do we take away their man card? When one person in the family has a chance to move forward the sacrifice is for the other person to take a step back and support in any way they can. The thing is I don't look at spending more time with my little girl as a sacrifice. It is what it is but it doesn't make me less how about you look at it this way. It makes me more.

Your kid will get dropkicked......

Listen, I understand that being a parent is hard and not all kids are the same but when that kid has an affect on my child then there is a problem. So I dropped off my daughter at the day care and all seemed good as normal as the other kids were there playing. Suddenly the oldest boy by a year older than my daughter got the other little boy a couple of months younger than my daughter and approached her in an aggressive manner. My little girl is taller so she just looked at them like "whatever". So this little boy just kept flapping his gums at my daughter so I yelled for them to break it up. He stopped. So the day care provider says help her with her coat, so he walks over and starts yapping his gums again in a threatening manner so he got a beating for it but I was about to yank that kid up. Kids will be kids I get that, but I also believe in stopping bad behavior before it gets to certain level and it could be stopped. His parents are short so it could be the "Napoleon Complex" or something. Either way when it comes to my kid just don't do it.

Dear Radio

The radio stations cater to the audience so I guess I need to blame us instead of the head of the radio station but they can certainly do better. I can't listen to the radio anymore with my daughter in the car. It's horrible. Let's see when I turn on the radio I get "Make it rain trick", "No Hands" and "Put it down" which all have to do with strip club women or just certain women in general. Not only the song titles but the words that are played on the radio. Ass is acceptable not only in the song but the DJ uses it in regular conversations. The "f" word isn't totally blanked out either and you can hear the "fah" sound. Let's not even get in the phrases that are used and played by the radio stations. We all know the meaning and it is so blatant that it is offensive. I don't want my little girl saying "I'm gonna make it thunderstorm." I am all for freedom of speech, I agree with it one hundred percent but the FCC needs to step in and regulate this garbage because it will slowly go down hill and it will be "deuces" to all the stations. You just lost me for life.

Didn't I say no?

Discipline is a touchy subject for parents. Many different ways to get the point across. Now I was spanked maybe 4 times in my life and the last one was when I was 5 years old. Ahhhh, the life, I know I was the youngest so maybe they were tired by then but I was a good kid. Really, I was. The punishment that worked for me was sending me to the corner to look at the wall while everyone was having a grand ole time. Not sitting but standing for the whole time. I hated it with a passion. Right now, I may do a little hand smack but that's it, I try and make it more mental like taking things away from her or sitting her down away from what is going on. It seems to work so far. I don't look down on other who use other methods. Maybe things change when she is older but it isn't me. The good thing is she never acts up in public (knocking on wood) and really doesn't at home, the issue is she doesn't sit still and I have to constantly challenge her. So when the makers go from the writing pad to the wall "Houston we have a problem."

Put the poop down...

Put the poop down. Now having a child presents its challenges when it comes to germs. Putting things in their mouth, like everything they see and reaching into the diaper. Arrrrgggghhhhh. Holy cow. I mean she had the right idea and all but I mean can we actually not touch the stuff in there. It was something out of a comedy except there wasn't laughter from my part, more like panic. All I saw running from the bathroom was the baby with her pants and pull up around her ankles. No people she was in a dead sprint. Then she returned to the bathroom. That's when I saw what was going on and her hands contained what was supposed to be in the diaper. So I am guessing it happened in the room and from there she decided to take in and manually dispose of it. Now the one positive is that she put in the right place but her methods need some fine tuning.